My closet feels stale and (like everyone else) I’m broke. Pending a really lucky day at the thrift store, or a regrettable splurge, I’m mostly wearing the same outfits I’ve worn for years and trying to swap around accessories. Is there any secret I’m missing other than swapping around pairings?
Dear Stale Closet,
My only real style advice is that clothes should feel lived in, which isn’t to say it’s advisable to disregard care and maintenance for cherished pieces, but an overly “wrinkle-free,” fresh-from-the-store wardrobe is lifeless and inauthentic. If you’re going to shell out big bucks for something, it deserves to be a staple in your wardrobe.
Try not to fall for the fear of statement pieces. What is a statement piece for someone else can just as easily be day-to-day for you; only you know what constitutes that. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Sideara St. Claire in anything but Pleaser-height heels (or higher!). For her, those are staples, while for someone else, maybe they remain strictly in the bedroom. A sartorial Rorschach test.
When online shopping at multi-brand outlets, avoid browsing by designer; instead, focus on what naturally piques your interest. This will save you money sometimes and, other times, help you identify covetable pieces at higher prices. If there is a brand you identify with, watch interviews with the designer, find out where their inspirations come from, and seek out the pieces they reference. Often, this leads to lower prices and beautiful, true-vintage acquisitions.
Natural materials will last longer and feel better on your skin, but don’t fixate on that. Many designers do their best work using synthetics—think Prada and Issey Miyake.
Play the long game. Building a wardrobe that reflects your style takes time and, let’s face it, money. Try not to rush and buy knockoffs or overspend in an attempt to have it all. You can never have it all, and overconsumption—even of secondhand or slow-fashion goods—is still overconsumption.
Is being crazy on main to defend my principles worth it? Chic or tacky? Funny or tired? I think all answers are correct and wrong? How can I remain principled and dedicated to my beliefs without being corny?
Dear Crazy on Main,
Thanks to our investment as a country in corn as a crop, we have to embrace it. In the same way that nothing is less cool than trying to be cool, nothing is cornier than a fear of being corny.
Instagram as a forum for discontent is as fitting as any other platform. The ephemeral nature of Stories acts perfectly as a vessel for fast thoughts, fights, etc. During the pandemic, I remember being annoyed by the growing interest in stoicism as a guiding principle. I found its overapplication comparable to the wild misunderstanding of The Body Keeps the Score.
There is no honor in bearing injustice silently. The myth of “protecting your inner peace,” propounded by SSRI-slinging therapist/psychiatrist two-for-ones and their mellowed-out acolytes, too often becomes an excuse to simply absorb whatever happens to you. We are emotional creatures genetically predisposed to creating communal bonds; strains to those bonds are felt deeply. The only person you protect by staying silent is the perpetrator.
I’d much rather surround myself with vibrant, emotional, earnest people who feel compelled to speak out in every way they can—even posting on main—than otherwise. And if you lose some followers, is it even a loss?
I’ll be sure to take a screenshot.
Xx
I did a number on my credit score by ignoring my Afterpay, and I’m worried about rebuilding. It feels impossible, and I know my friends think I’m stupid for having done it. Help??
Dear Anonymous,
Without any judgment, I can only share my experience.
Through the end of 2024 and well into the first half of 2025, I was a high-functioning cokehead. I had pharmacy-quality Xanax to soften the comedowns and a dealer I trusted. I had it all worked out.
Except for the money.
While I could easily put away a bag or more a day, I could not afford that. Enter the dealer of my dreams: delivering via Uber and accepting payment through Uber gift cards, which, wonderfully for me, allowed Buy Now, Pay Later app integration. I was paying for a bag in four easy biweekly payments—a bag I would polish off in a few hours.
Rinse. Repeat.
Obviously, the jig compounded, and soon I owed Klarna so much money that they sent me to collections. I’m still haunted by collections letters in the mail from that time in my life, but you have to understand how glorious it was having an Uber Courier deliver a bag to me for almost no money down.
I suppose I’m saying that, like all things in life that feel too good to be true, microloans are applicable. I see the “Pay with Afterpay” option at restaurants using Toast POS not irregularly now, and it sends shivers up my spine.
Credit is a relatively new invention—let’s be real, none of us are likely to own homes, and we live in the city, so cars aren’t essential. Get current where you can, make at least your minimum payments, and try to catch up with your Afterpay. Your “score” will heal itself.
And maybe find better friends. Anyone looking down on you for navigating an increasingly impossible financial world is probably no one you actually want around. NYC is filled with stealth rich kids; moments like this really out them.
Can I fix him?
Dear Delusional,
No. Hope this helps.
Xx
One of my friends has started dating someone I think is obviously awful. Nothing abusive, just deeply annoying, smug, and bad for her general aura. Do I have any responsibility to say something, or is part of friendship watching people make choices you hate?
Dear Collateral Damage,
This, in my experience, is a losing battle, one that has been fought many times, but sadly without a monument to mark it.
One of my best friends was dating a guy who had a compulsion against climaxing inside her; instead, he’d pull out and finish on one particular spot on the wall. Every time. One day he texts her that he’s afraid he’s done irreparable damage to it. She sent me a selfie with it. Deep greenish grays ringed with yellow. An ombré of rot. But she was crazy about him, and nothing I could say against him would register. Dandy, I know you’re not reading this, but you are disgusting.
Another was in a similar situation to you, but the feelings were mutual. His best friend’s girlfriend also didn’t like him. He slighted her in some abstract way, and she used this as ammunition to fully wedge the two apart. He wasn’t totally innocent, but the perceived indiscretion was remarkably small, nothing worth galvanizing your boyfriend over. They don’t talk anymore after more than a decade of friendship.
It’s a funny tightrope to walk, navigating relationships like that. I’ve lost friends over it, and almost everyone I know has as well. The key, in my opinion, is to give them the grace you’d give yourself. I once dated a guy actively using meth. I turned a blind eye to it and continued on in my love spell while my friends gawked at his clearly meth-fueled behavior. Love is a funny thing, and we sometimes become unrecognizable versions of ourselves under its influence.
Try planning some time with your friend away from her beau. Nothing too direct, but maybe a spa day or a girls’ night. I’d keep my opinions to myself here unless he’s actually awful, like certifiably so.
Hopefully he doesn’t last, but always prepare for the possibility that he might. Just like smells, the worst ones have a habit of sticking.
Xx
How do you keep your relationship with the city you live in feeling inspired and alive? I’ve lived in the same city for a decade and I’m considering a move. In the meantime, I don’t feel the same intrigue/romance/sex appeal as I did when everything was new to me here. When you’ve lived somewhere long enough, do you have to resign yourself to “it’s complicated”?
Dear It’s Complicated,
New York has a way of kicking you when you’re down. I’m not the first to observe it, and I won’t be the last, but the city amplifies everything. When you’re up, you’re on top of the world, à la Leo in Titanic, and when you’re depressed about your love life, it decides maybe your job is also over too, and your roommates hate you. This phenomenon needs to be studied.
Remind yourself why you made the move to begin with. For me, it was the culture. As a kid I used to lie and tell people I was adopted, that my real parents were surely off somewhere having such a good time that they’d forgotten about me. This really upset my mother, but I just knew I had to get to NYC as fast as possible. Warhol said, “I love New York, even though it isn’t mine, the way something has to be, a tree or a street or a house, something, anyway, that belongs to me because I belong to it.”
I’ve only lived here for just under ten years, but I’ve fallen into the age-old trap of complaining about newcomers, and I feel justified in this. What so many seek from the city is community. They move here and don’t understand that, to take, you also need to give; community isn’t a one-way relationship. If you want someone to be there for you when the city has you down, you need to make the effort to know your neighbors’ names, to care about the gardens and the people struggling. Otherwise, you’re a parasite, and you will be alone.
I understand there can be a spark that gets stamped out over time, but think about the intimacy you get to create through repetition. It’s a thrill to eat somewhere for the first time, and it’s just as thrilling to go there frequently enough that you become a regular.
Less amorphous, more tangible: keep aware of when new restaurants are opening. Go before they get big reviews and form your own opinion. Thursday evenings are the perfect time to gallery-hop; most will have complimentary refreshments. Bring a friend, or go solo and meet new people. Embrace the novelty and buy a ticket for one of those tourist bus tours. When you’re surrounded by so many people, it almost numbs you into a state of forgetting that you’re an autonomous being and you’re alive.
But you are, Blanche, you are!
Xx
What’s the funniest non-destructive way you’ve ever gotten back at someone?
Dear Revenge Seeker,
I paid his favorite IG meme page $10 to block him.
Xx
My ex and I had kind of an abrupt breakup a few months ago, right before I left. I can’t tell if he got sick of me or was just repeating the pattern of breaking it off when we got too close. His band is playing a show here next week. We haven’t talked since he dumped me over text, but obviously I haven’t stopped thinking and writing about him—do I go? Do I text him? Do I let go?
Dear Face in The Crowd,
Anyone cowardly enough to end a relationship via text message is someone you’re blessed to no longer have in your life. The problem with the popularization of attachment-style theory is that people use it as an excuse for poor behavior. Avoidant this, anxious that; at the end of the day, you’re a fully grown adult, and you need to overcome these hangups in a way that doesn’t wreak havoc on other people’s lives.
There is something ridiculously chic and cinematic about going to the show, but the latter descriptor is where I’d pause. It is a scene from a movie. It’s Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. It’s a scenario so heightened it feels fictional, and your choice to live it could end up hurting you more than the shock you’d give him.
There is a very real chance he’d react badly, or, even worse, not at all. If you’re okay with that, then full force ahead, but if you’re not, then don’t. He’s already shown you he’s emotionally immature and inconsiderate; you don’t need to create a second opportunity for him to showcase that.
I know you, though, and I know you’ll go. Wear that semi-sheer Margiela dress and a kitten heel, nothing too sex-pot, but in contrast enough to the typical dumpiness of that crowd. Rock his world for the rest of us too cowardly to.
Cowardice is such an ugly trait. I wish it weren’t my own.
Xx